For a chunk of my past life, I wanted to be someone or something other than what I am because I felt so unacceptable. It took many more years of suffering until I realized how insane that type of thinking was, and at that moment, some new ideas and questions rose from the heart of consciousness.
Ö What if I embraced all of myself - precisely as I am in the moment-to-moment of life?
Ö What if I stop trying to eliminate fear, doubt, sadness, toxic shame, etc., and allow them to exist by allowing them in?
Ö What if I experience my thoughts, feelings, and body sensations without identity, attachment, and judgment?
Ö What if I learn to practice unconditional self-acceptance and begin to investigate and discover the innate truth (nature) of who I am?
Ö What if I stop trying to prove my worth and value to others by people pleasing and productivity (look at how great I am )?
Ö What if I accept my good, bad, and ugly behaviors by choosing compassion and being my best friend?
Ö What if I let go of trying to fix myself and others and instead support them with boundaries and the same compassion I would want?
Ö What if I can let go of trying to fit in?
Ö What if I confront myself everything time I want to blame others for my emotional content?
From self-inquiry (answering the questions) and doing the work of healing, awakening, and recovery, I discovered nothing wrong with any of these experiences except that my unhealed and subconscious past programming jaded my perception of reality. It allowed me to have compassion for myself, and at that moment - I decided to practice unconditional self-acceptance constantly. It became a must, not a maybe.
"We are always one decision away from a different life."
So I went on an "UNCONDITIONAL" self-acceptance journey and allowed these experiences to exist like birds chirping in a tree, remembering we only create problems when we want to kill the birds. Love the bird – we are not the thought. One day, the birds say - I am amazing; the next day, the birds say - I am not enough – tweet-tweet. We are not the birds; that is the point!
And my favorite way to heal those old voices is recognizing it's Little Paul, and I am an adult and safe now, and I give the little boy some love, compassion, and attention he did not get when he was not feeling safe as a little boy. I help little Paul deal with the invisible monsters that can still bother him.
Self-Acceptance is the entrance to experiencing Love as our actual state of BEING, and Non-Acceptance is the lock that keeps us out.
“We cannot change ourselves until we can first accept ourselves fully as we are.”