For a long time, I tried to create a new story of who I was because I felt so miserable and had a power addiction. I was sure it would fix my problems; boy, was I wrong.
How could I create a new story when I had no idea who I was? I would be creating another imposter.
Stories are thoughts in mind, and we are not the mind. Just more identity to attach too, and as Buddha said, suffering is attachment. So I went on a journey of peeling the layers of identity, especially what I call Mistaken Identity, which began in childhood from trauma and emotional loss.
"There is no becoming. ALL IS, said the great Mystic Wie Wu Wie"
Like an onion, I painful peeled layer by layer the following:
Layer 1 –Playing Victim – I am not a victim Layer 2 –Pain – I am not the pain. Layer 3 –Toxic Shame – I am not toxic shame Layer 4 –The Myths of Addiction Layer 5 –The Mind – I am not the mind Layer 6– Feelings and Emotions – I am not my emotions Layer 7 –Beliefs – I am not my beliefs Layer 8 –Personality – I am not my personality Layer 9 –The Body – I am not even my body Layer 10 –Fear – I am not my fear
By dis-identifying, which is painful work, I began to take an in-depth look at my false self and see that I was living a big lie.
Jesus said we will know the Truth, and the Truth will free us. He didn't say the Truth will free us. He said, you will know the Truth, and the Truth will liberate us. The Truth doesn't liberate anybody unless they know the Truth.
I was in pain/suffering and constantly relapsing because I didn't know the Truth of who I was. I was the blocker of the great Light (LOVE) that is within all of us. More identity (story) will actually make things more difficult.
The more I peeled away, the better I felt, and eventually, the onion disappeared and I woke-up and experienced my true innate essence of Love, Peace, and Joy releasing me from the desire to self-medicate and lessen suffering.
Through awakening of consciousness and learning to connect through vulnerability, I discovered the real me and love that person today.
"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it's human connection." ~ Johann Hari"
It took years of hard work, but it was worth it. We do recovery!
My experience of Holy would eventually become my book Mistaken Identity which took 3 years to write. It will be out sometime in the next 4 to 6 months. Because of COVID, they are behind schedule.