It took me a long time to figure out that baring my soul to a few trusted souls would become one of the gifts that would lead me to my authentic self.
As Brene Brown says, share with those people who have earned the right to hear your story.
Because I perceived embarrassment and humiliation for being a sensitive little boy, being put down took its toll over time, and I began to hide my true essence from everyone. The real me got lost in sadness, but you would never know that because I learned to suppress my feelings and became a great actor.
“Without a doubt, the most damaging lie there is – is learning to lie to ourselves, which is a trauma response of shame.” ~ me
I remember very clearly at six years old not feeling safe at home and then not feeling safe anywhere. Even today, writing about my past brings back tears; however, my tears, this time, are from deep gratitude and joy.
• Because I found the courage to express what I really thought and felt about myself to others which stopped in childhood, the more I bared my soul, the more I healed the wounds of my past. I began to trust life again, and eventually, I woke up to the GREAT LOVE that resides through all LIFE that I call God and recovered from an addiction that wanted me to die.
• Because I now know LOVE as my true state of being and, at no time was I ever separated from the great LOVE even during my painful childhood, the lost years of addiction, and I could go on.
• Because every human has good, bad, and ugly behaviors, and being a human is both beautiful and messy. There are no fully enlightened people, only enlightened action.
• Because through all of the messiness was my two mentors, spiritual teachers, and close friends who accepted all of me.
Baring my soul was one of the ways I came out of hiding so I could begin to heal my past trauma and voice of toxic shame.
Today, I share all of myself with whomever I damn well, please!!!! Without shame, regret, or self-judgment because I know my worth!
Being vulnerable allows others to feel safe enough to do the same. And LOVE is healing from the middle.
A final note; a lot of men have a difficult time with vulnerability because of society's conditioning of a man must be strong, tough, a man! Vulnerability is a place of strength not weakness is what I have come to discover.
Satnam (truth is my identity) Paul Noiles