Having facilitated the family group at a world-class treatment centre, I have seen it all when it comes to unhealthy codependence issues. Make no mistake about it; addiction is a family Dis-Ease. Mothers, fathers, wives, husbands and friends all wanting to help their loved one with addiction without knowing they might actually be a hindrance to their recovery.
It always spellbinding when I facilitated the family group because most expected the person with the addiction to do the work of recovery but the minute I turned it around on them they looked dazed, confused and some gave me the evil eye. LOL The bottom line, if you want to help your loved one with an addiction; look in the mirror and begin your own healing.
“Denial runs through the whole family not just the person with an addiction” paul noiles
It’s important to understand we cannot give away what we don’t have. It's why the addicted person usually does not want the help offered by their parents or significate other. The more they extended their hand to help them, the more they resist. Everyone ends up feeling deeply hurt and angry in the process. The person with the addiction, however, will take the enabling help, like money, etc.
I compassionately point out that they are so entangled in the history of pain; that they are usually not much help until they do some healing work on themselves. If you want to make an enormous impact on your loved one with an addiction, "be the change you want to see in the relationship." It will impact them in profoundly because the energy of love is contagious. We are able to mirror love back and forth in healthy ways.
So instead of feeling hopeless, helpless and allowing yourself to become angry with what you see happening, you can choose to be the change you wish to see.
I usually leave the family group by mentioning; acceptance, letting go and the development of faith because worry will only cause more sickness in the family. And finally, we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding, there is no greater power.
I miss facilitating the family group at Aurora Recovery Centre. However, I am on an even bigger mission to impact those who are still suffering and I must follow my heart.