𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐁𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

When someone you love is in the grip of addiction, your heart wants to save them. You want to rescue. To fix. To be the reason they choose sobriety. But here's the truth that’s hard to hear:

You can't heal someone else's pain by losing yourself in it.

Real love doesn’t mean saying yes when your soul is screaming no.It doesn’t mean pretending things are okay when they’re not.It doesn’t mean sacrificing your peace to keep someone else from falling apart.

Love doesn’t mean enabling. Love means honoring the truth.

✅ Set boundaries that protect your peace.

✅ Say no to money, rides, or cover-ups that fuel the addiction.

✅ Let consequences happen—even if it breaks your heart.

✅ Speak the truth, kindly, even if they get angry.

✅ Keep the door open, but only if you’re not sacrificing yourself to do so.

You can love someone where they’re at without accepting behaviors that harm you.

Let them know: “I love you. I’m here when you’re ready for help. But I can’t support choices that hurt you—and me.” This is what love with boundaries looks like. It’s not cold. It’s not heartless. It’s the most courageous form of love there is. Because sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to stop saving them, so they have a chance to save themselves. This is called detachment, and it is a form of love.

𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐏𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝟔 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 “𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐲: 𝐀 𝐒𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐉𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 

“The best advice to family members or friends of someone with an addiction is to love them right where they are, without judgment or a complete understanding, while enforcing clear boundaries, accountability, and consequences. The more family members with unresolved issues try to help, the more the person with the addiction resists; the result is more pain for everyone. Everyone is too entangled in the pain in the begin of recovery.If you genuinely want to help a loved one with an addiction, begin your own healing. Be the change you wish to see in the relationship. Your healing can produce a profound impact from the resulting energy of love.

𝙁𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮,𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙫𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙜𝙤 𝙤𝙛 𝙜𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙤𝙧 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣’𝙩 𝙙𝙤. 𝙒𝙝𝙮? 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚’𝙨 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚. 𝘼𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙜𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙠𝙞𝙙𝙨, 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙨 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢. 𝙒𝙝𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚’𝙨 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚?

I would say 25% of my clients are family members of people with Substance Use Disorders.

Paul Noiles Trauma, Addiction & Awakening Coach